(monologue story)

The only room. A bed, a bedside table is above the bed. There is a photo staying with its back. An old woman is working incessantly in the room. She is very old, very thin. A white towel on her head and slipover that she is wearing, seems like making her little face even less. She is talking. She stands up, then sits.

- I gave birth to 14 children. There is only one. Who is guilty? Mother said, «everything is from desire». So am I guilty? What did I do? Only if you say that I gave birth on the steppe. At that time there was no hospital like nowadays. I was embarrassed to say to my husband that I am struggling with it. At first. Until the 5th child. I said: « I am going to pick the duck», took bag, went to the steppe to give birth, and came back with a baby. It is a madness, you see. Being embarrassed by your husband. It would be good if they died as newborns. No, they died after showing their sweetness. No, girls died as soon as they were born. I found about four. Girls did not stay a lot. Boys... Elders died in a famine, average children in a war. Three of the chidren's ages were not enough. Thank goodness! They are not alive either. Except for Zhanseryk. Zhanseryk was by himself. His character was like that since childhood. He seemed like a stranger's child. He worked at the police station, therefor he was hard. Or he became a policeman, because of his hardness? He is an old man, too. This year he will be eighty years old.

Where is she? She is out all day. What is she doing, will not she eat or rest? While being skinny she knows only strolling. Nobody will know if I fall or get swoon. Who needs this life? Like a human body, you should have meaning in this life. What will be a benefit of life, if you do not boil a tea or cook to someone else? It's better to die. But I can not die...

All-day is the same I just sit staring. Waiting for that girl. She does not come. Of course, she does not care about the insane old woman. After coming home she takes a shower and then just plays with her phone. What does it have? She pokes the phone and then just stares at it. After thinking while I say to her to drink her tea and eat her meal. She does not look. But yesterday... Thus I am worrying. Yesterday she came in like a storm and fell on the bed. The land was shaken like an earthquake. I was just peacefully sitting and my heart went down. Then cried calling «granny, granny». I was flustered. «Who, who offend you?» - I asked menacingly. «Nobody can hurt my Aynash, let someone offend you». I grew her up. She was left by her mother after the birth. Her mother came into the house with a baby in her hand. I was confused, at first, I thought it was a teacher. Faithful faced, warm woman. At that time children were collected by teachers from house to house. However... « Granny, she is your granddaughter»,-said that and threw her on the bed. Then I went away. Sometimes I think that something is wrong with her mind. I suspect her craziness. I have the right to suspect. Then how could she just throw a baby on the bed... But anyway... Anyway, she is my Aynash's mother. I took her. Children were against. Nobody wanted to care about the child. They wanted to call the police and give her to the orphanage, I took her away. « Kill me, then you can take her»,- I said. I do not what do they after do. Anyway, they found some way. They made a document. Her surname is from grandfather. My daughter. Here, she grew up, my dear. Tiny girl. She likes strolling a lot. Only it is bad. Yesterday she cried all night. Tears from her eyes were pouring again and again, plus she did not drink any water. Where the tears came.

Even I was tired. I was anxious. I remembered my husband. Her grandfather. He would hit me. Everybody says own thoughts: « Or did someone hit you?»,- I said. She did not answer. She was alone in this big city. Many ideas came into my mind. « He isn't going to marry me»,- finally she said. «Who?». I knew, that she had got a boyfriend. But never brought him to the house. «What happened?». Anyway, I did not understand anything. I thought, is she pregnant. I suspected that. I wanted to hit her. «Don't be silent, you are making me crazy, say, what happened». « Even if he does not marry me, I will not care». When these words were told, it seemed like this room became too hot. My whole body became hot. I sweated, I misted out. My Aynash seemed like a dragon. So scary. So strange. I wanted to say «bitch».A bitch. But I could not say. How could I say such kind of word to the young girl? Something was stuck in my neck. Still was stuck. I did not, I thought, we could not come to an agreement. It seemed like a hall was standing between us. I fed this girl with my milk. What I had to do. The tiny cries. The shop's fake milk hurt her stomach. So I fed her with my milk, and she became calm and went asleep. She was tiny but very naughty. What happened to me I am abusing my own child. My dear, she has nobody except me, alone in this world. Who offended my little chicken. She had come to me with shine eyes and said: «Granny, granny I took five». It was at school. Now she is an adult girl. She usually dissolves her hair. She does not listen to me. My hair was like what. It was like silk. Don't let the GOD dissolve the hair. The last time I dissolved my hair was when my husband died. My poor husband suffered a lot and was very ill. Couldn't eat. Became too skinny. We could not touch his mustache and bread. Mad even did not go to the doctor. He had a bad character. He was a bandit, also made many troubles to people. Maybe because of it the GOD took his life with pain. But he went clean. He became hard, big, and strong.

The others lived in a warm and clean house in a village, made a garden. A person would be definitely wondered. Women became very beautiful with trends. Wore many different clothes. I was wondered.

We bred the sheep on the steppe. My husband was a thief, he had stolen village's cattle at one night, then had crossed the board with Kyrgyz. Then who was bad, we were bad. The others hated us. Even if they could not prove, they knew it. I could not say stop. I was afraid. He was also too jealous. Who looks at me? In winter I was cut and messy lived with animals, in summer lived in people unheard fields alone. Sons were at the boarding-school. If we saw each other, we seemed like do not know each other. If they were not ruthless and heartless, then who was heartless? When their father and mother were alive, lived like an orphan. Then what? Dead. Grew up in stranger's hand and did not know mother as a mother, father as father, sons became too heartless. What should I say...

Grandsons are good. All of them are good. They care and help. Thanks. But they did not care about this girl. Possibly they thought if they care about the girl, she would think of them as a father. Each of them thought like that. OK, let the GOD's eye to be straight. What should I say? Dead. But he was in pain. I can not forget. I prayed to take me and did not show how he was suffering. I was just by myself. I did not show it to my husband. He could just lie down. What does else poor.

This girl is late. Where is she? While being skinny she also has suffered. Only if you say she doesn't visit the doctor. She is also unhappy by herself or is it my mother's curse, that girls don't stay. The only who stayed is she. But she is also going down.

My mother cursed me. In our time we were proposed as a wife. I was proposed as a wife since my birth. My father took sheep again and again, also ate, and finished all of them. When I would be sixteen, I should be a bride. The date was announced. When I was going to marry, I was kidnapped one night. What would you ask from a bandit? It was like that. GOD just hit the head. Father could not give back things, became poor. I was the only girl. It was the simple word, that I was kidnapped. I went out, I run away. It seemed like they told my father, that I was kidnapped. Maybe not him to have a heart attack. But my mother knew. After knowing she cursed me. What happened to me? I betrayed my motherland, my parents, lowered I was going to family's face and run away with the bandit, what happened to me? Was I charmed or bewitched? I just went away. It was when the reds came and we could safe our lives. Either they would find us anywhere. They could not ask for the money, so they just petered out. Where was father, where was mother, where was bother? While crossing the board with China, I heard that they were shot. I just left with myself. What would you ask? I should have my own life sometime because I would also be shot as a rich man's bride. With Kulsary we moved from here to there and then went into a collective farm. He could not work in a collective, because he was got used to the steppe. Then, as usual, started to take away, steal, and sell out. Would the Soviet government agree with that? We went after cattle. Then we did not go back to the village again. His religion was too severely. He was ruthless to children, heartless to the relatives. He was hard. After his death children brought me back to the village, then, moved to the city. Nothing. We could join to others.

Only this girl...

An adult girl opened a door with a key and went into the house. She went through near her grandmother and lied on the bed. An old woman walked after her:

- No, all right. Everything is all right, all right. My dear, you are smart. Don't be afraid, child, don't be afraid. As soon as you will grow up. As soon as he/she will with shiny eyes say: « Mummy, I took five» and come in. As soon as. It will be the biggest happiness for us, my dear. My grandchild is a heroine. Have a rest well.

An adult girl did not pay attention to. She took the photo staying with its back on the bedside table above the bed. That is her grandmother's photo. Looked at the photo. Smiled while touching her stomach. At that time we understood that an old woman was a ghost. Ancient time's representative, she could not calm down while worrying about her generation even in another world, she is just a mother...

The end

Translated from Kazakh into English by Bayan Ardakh

Madina Myrzakhmetkyzy Omarova was born in 1975 on the 12th of April in Almaty, Zhambyl district, Ungyrtas village. In 1992 after graduating from the Ungyrtas Kazakh middle school, she entered the Abai Kazakh National Pedagogical University to the Faculty of Philology. In 1996 graduated that university with a red diploma. From then she worked in periodicals like « The White sail», « Kazakh Literature», « The Steppe and the City», «The Golden horde», was a journalist and an editor at the «Khabar Agency». At the moment she is working at the Kazakh State Academic Drama Theater named after M.O. Auezov as an editor and a playwright. She is an author of the prose collections called « The Mother's life», « Night of Decree», her works were translated into Russian, German and English. Some of her plays are played on the national stages.